"A slender acquaintance with the world must convince every man that actions, not words, are the true criterion of the attachment of friend." - George Washington, 1st President of the United StatesI know it is selfish to think about "ME" when what I should be focused upon is providing positive encouragement to my friends in Mexico that are moving back to their home country. I don't like it, not one bit, this saying good-bye. I've never liked it, for I am one of those people who attaches quickly. For the newly landed expatriate, friendship is a life support system on every level. Our friends and family back home listen to our loves and frustrations as we maneuver through the most mundane of task, as those task seem inexplicably huge in a foreign country. Yet, it is the friendships we make in our adopted countries that provide tricks of the trade in Expat Survival 101, making acclimation easier.
Let's take for example, buying groceries, formerly a dreaded necessity, has never before been a harrowing experience, sucking the life out of you. Fortunately, for some of us, we are offered siesta! The first walk down the aisle of your local market can be shocking. You realize you have no idea what the products on the shelves are, nor how to use them. Surely, you will starve! Though I had been to Mexico many times over a twenty-five year period, and shopping for food was an almost daily adventure on those trips, something about my first time shopping as an expat, caused me to freeze. I found myself at the check-out, unable to process the words spoken by the cashier. I knew she wanted money. I could see the amount I owed on the register, I had money in my purse, and yet, I panicked. Though I didn't appreciate it at the time, my friend from the States that drove down with me, made a joke with the cashier, easing the tension.
The friends that become family, either from back home or in our new homes, take away some of the panic. Maintaining connection with those back home, the importance of which cannot be stressed enough, tethers the freshly landed expat to our core identity, values, and resiliency skills. In the first three months of living in Mexico, there wasn't a moment when I didn't wonder what the hell I was doing here. It didn't matter that this had been my dream for twenty-five years, or that I had dismantled my life in Austin, Texas, to be here. Those were brave acts that had nothing to do with the actual act of waking up each morning, knowing that my former life was a shadow walking my garden, having a coffee with my soul brother, and looking into the eyes of my children. I still wanted to have both lives, in one place, and continue to yearn for that much as I always thought growing old in a commune with my friends would be the ultimate paradise.
As we make those small advancements in our new countries, there will always be something new to offer to one another in our friendships with locals. A curiosity is present, creating opportunities to explore misconceptions, share identity, and note the beauty in the differences. I cannot express deeply enough, how appreciative I am for all the assistance and love I have received from my Mexican family. They have walked me through countless processes - legal, technical, and emotional. The day my doors were installed in my little home, I completely broke down, realizing that two years of homelessness had been nearly unbearable. It was my contractors' apprentice, and my dear friend, Joel, who gave me comfort. It is Joel who has kindly offered to stay in my home, and care for my animals while I am with family in Texas.
With fellow expats, they direct, drive, listen, hug, ask, explain, give, and give more. Together, you trace the journey, from earliest memories of life in a shared country, to the ways of life shared in your adopted country. The connections run deep with these friends because they are living what you are living. They have faced the same scenarios, separations from children and friends, and plainly get your jokes! A laugh, a hug, and a good cry with a fellow countrywoman, deserves a toast with a bottle of local beer or a glass of exceptional Chilean wine! Yet, when those daily connections with expat friends closes, due to issues around aging parents back home, job relocation, or a desire to once again live in the familiar, the expat left behind, certainly will be emotionally jarred.
A very dear friend, a new friend, has hit the road. I wish her nothing but happiness, warm regards always, and the sassiest of new adventures in her 100% cotton wardrobe! As I imagine her in her life back home, I feel a bit of envy. She will plant her garden, sip coffee with friends, and look at her children with fresh eyes - the eyes that hold a Mexican sunrise near a sandy beach road, filled with people who love her.
Love you, and thanks for holding my hand.
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